Two Drunken Irishmen
Ret's ESL Jokes
Two drunken Irishmen were staggering through a graveyard one night.
Paddy started reading the gravestones.
“Mick,” he says, “would you look at this — a feller here who was 90 when he died!”
“Who’s that?” says Mick.
“Somebody called O’Toole from Kerry,” he replies.
Mick says, “Never mind him, there’s a feller here called Murphy, was 99 when he died! From Castletown, of all places!”
“Well, that’s nothing!” says Paddy. “What about what’s written on this feller’s stone, here right beside the gate!”
“The stone says 149!”
“149? That’s amazing!” says Mick. “Who was he?”
“Well, according to the stone, it’s somebody called Miles from Dublin.”
📘 Key Vocabulary+
drunken: IVRE
Irishmen: IRLANDAIS
stagger: TITUBER
graveyard: CIMETIÈRE
gravestone: PIERRES TOMBALE
Miles from Dublin: MILES DE DUBLIN (JEU DE MOTS)
📖 Grammar Points+
1. Past continuous for setting the scene
The joke opens with past continuous: “Two drunken Irishmen were staggering through a graveyard”. This tense sets the scene and describes the background action that was in progress when the story begins. Past continuous is often used in storytelling to create atmosphere and show what was happening before the main events. For French speakers, this is similar to the imparfait (titubaient).
2. Present simple for narrative immediacy in dialogue
The joke uses present simple for the dialogue reporting verbs: “he says”, “says Mick”, “replies”. This is very common in jokes and spoken storytelling — it makes the listener feel like the conversation is happening right now. Even though the story takes place in the past, the present tense makes it more dramatic and engaging. For French speakers, this is similar to using the present tense (dit) when telling a story orally.
🔁 Synonyms & Alternatives+
drunken · intoxicated / inebriated / tipsy
IVRES → also “saouls”
staggering · swaying / lurching / tottering
TITUBANT → also “chancelant”
Both fit the descriptive tone: “two intoxicated Irishmen” or “lurching through the graveyard”.
💬 Mini Dialogue+
Context: Two friends, Thabo and Lerato, are walking through a park. Thabo starts reading the names on memorial benches.
Thabo: “Look at this bench — dedicated to someone called Smith. He was 85.”
Lerato: “That’s nothing. There’s a bench here for a woman called Jones who was 92.”
Thabo: “Well, what about this one right here? It says 156!”
Lerato: “156? That’s impossible! Who was it?”
Thabo: “According to the plaque, it’s somebody called Miles from Maseru.”
Uses past continuous for the opening scene (”were walking”), present simple for dialogue reporting (”says”), and vocabulary items integrated naturally.
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