The Poorbox
Ret's ESL Jokes
A man went into confession and told the priest, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I came close to being unfaithful to my wife.”
The priest leaned forward. “Almost What do you mean, almost”
“Well,” the man explained, “we kissed, undressed, and rubbed against each other. But I stopped before going all the way.”
The priest’s face hardened. “Rubbing is the same as putting it in, my son. You are forbidden to see that woman again. For your penance, say ten Hail Marys and put one hundred dollars in the poor box.”
The man left the confessional, recited his prayers, and walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment, then turned to leave.
The priest, who had been watching through the window, rushed over. “I saw that! You didn’t put any money in the box.”
The man smiled and replied, “You’re right, Father. But I did rub the hundred-dollar bill all over the box. And according to you, rubbing is the same as putting it in.”
📘 Key Vocabulary
went into confession: ENTRA EN CONFESSION / SE CONFESSA
come close to: ÊTRE SUR LE POINT DE
forbidden: INTERDIT
penance: PÉNITENCE
poor box: TRONC POUR LES PAUVRES
according to: SELON
📖 Grammar Points+
1. Past simple for narrative sequence
The joke uses past simple to tell the story in chronological order: went, told, leaned, explained, hardened, said, left, recited, walked, paused, rushed, smiled, replied. Each verb moves the action forward clearly. Learners can see how English speakers use past simple to build a complete narrative from beginning to end — from the man entering the confessional to the final punchline.
2. Present simple for direct speech and timeless logic
Inside the dialogue, present simple appears for the characters’ words and the priest’s absolute statements: “Rubbing is the same as putting it in” and “according to you, rubbing is the same as putting it in”. The man cleverly uses the priest’s own present simple statement against him. This shows how present simple can express general truths or someone’s stated beliefs — making it perfect for the logical twist at the end.
🔁 Synonyms & Alternatives+
almost · nearly / practically
PRESQUE → also “quasiment”
according to you · by your logic / as you said
SELON VOUS → also “d’après vous”
Both fit the clever tone: “nearly” or “by your logic, Father”.
💬 Mini Dialogue+
Context: Two friends, Thabo and Lerato, are discussing a strict workplace rule. Their manager said that any employee who brings coffee near the computers will be fined.
Thabo: “I came close to getting fired today.”
Lerato: “Almost? What do you mean?”
Thabo: “I brought my coffee right up to my desk but didn’t take a sip. The manager said bringing it near is the same as drinking it here.”
Lerato: “That’s ridiculous!”
Thabo: “I know. So later, I held my coffee cup over the bin but didn’t drop it. When he complained, I said, ‘According to you, holding it over is the same as throwing it away.’”
Uses past simple (“came”, “brought”, “said”, “held”, “complained”), present simple for logic (“is the same as”), and vocabulary items integrated naturally.
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