Sitting On The Porch
Ret's ESL Jokes
An old man and an old woman were sitting together on their front porch.
“You used to sit closer to me,” the woman said.
So the man moved closer.
“You used to put your arm around me.”
So the man put his arm around her.
“You used to call me honey.”
So the man said, “Yes, honey.”
“You used to nibble on my ear.”
“Let me get my teeth.”
📘 Key Vocabulary
front porch: VÉRANDA
you used to: TU AVAIS L’HABITUDE DE
moved closer: SE RAPPROCHA
honey: MON CHOU
nibble on: MORDILLER
teeth: RÂTELIER
📖 Grammar Points+
1. “Used to” for past habits and states that are no longer true
The joke uses used to repeatedly to contrast the past with the present: “You used to sit closer to me”, “You used to put your arm around me”, “You used to call me honey”, “You used to nibble on my ear”. This structure describes actions or states that were true in the past but are not true now. For French speakers, this is similar to tu avais l’habitude de or the imperfect tense (tu t’asseyais plus près). Note that “used to” only exists in the past and is followed by the base form of the verb.
2. Past simple for completed actions in the narrative
The joke also uses past simple to describe what the man did in response: moved closer, put his arm around her, said. These are single, completed actions that happen after the woman speaks. Learners can see the contrast between used to (what happened regularly in the past) and past simple (what happened once in response). This distinction is crucial for natural English storytelling.
🔁 Synonyms & Alternatives+
honey · darling
CHÉRIE → also “mon cœur”
nibble on · chew gently
MORDILLER → also “mâchonner”
Both fit the romantic tone: “you used to call me darling” or “nibble on my ear”.
💬 Mini Dialogue+
Context: An elderly couple, Joseph and Margaret, are sitting on their balcony watching the sunset. Margaret is feeling nostalgic.
Margaret: “Joseph, you used toTU AVAIS L’HABITUDE DE hold my hand when we sat here.”
Joseph: He moved closerSE RAPPROCHA and took her hand. “Like this?”
Margaret: “You used to call me honeyCHÉRIE | MON CHOU.”
Joseph: “Yes, honeyOUI, CHÉRIE.”
Margaret: “You used to nibble onMORDILLER | GRIGNOTER my neck.”
Joseph: He smiled and said, “Let me go get my teethDENTS first.”
Uses “used to” for past habits, past simple for narrative actions (“moved”, “took”, “said”), and vocabulary items integrated naturally.
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