parrots
Ret's ESL Jokes
A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing. They just keep saying, ‘Hi, we’re horny… Do you want to have sex with us?’”
“That’s terrible!” says the priest. “But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots to my house tomorrow. I’ll put them with my two male parrots to whom I have taught prayer and bible study. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible filth, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship the good Lord.”
So the next day, the lady takes her two female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re horny. Do you want to have sex with us?”
One of the male parrots looks at the other male parrot and whispers from the side of his beak, “Put the bible down, you idiot, our prayers have been answered!”
Vocabulary
Parrot: a colourful tropical bird that can imitate human speech.
Priest: a religious leader authorised to perform sacred rituals in church.
Rosary beads: a string of beads used by Catholics for counting prayers.+ The parrot repeated everything it heard.
+ She confessed to the priest.
+ He prayed using his rosary beads.
Grammar Focus
Direct speech reports the exact words spoken, using inverted commas.
The past perfect tense describes an action completed before another past action.Direct speech: “Hi, we’re horny,” said the parrots.
Past perfect: I had taught my parrots to pray.
Reported speech: The parrots kept saying that they were horny.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Shyly: timidly, bashfully
Filth: obscenity, profanity
Whispers: murmurs, speaks under their breath
Mini Dialogue
Lady: My parrots only say rude things!
Priest: Bring them to me—I’ll fix that with prayer.
Male parrot (later): Finally, our prayers have been answered!
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