Macho man
Ret's ESL Jokes
A typical macho man married a good-looking young lady. A few days after the wedding, he laid down some rules.
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want, and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great, warm dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, boozing, and card-playing with my old buddies whenever I want, and don’t give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”
📘 Key Vocabulary+
good-looking: BELLE
wedding: MARIAGE (the ceremony)
lay something down: ÉTABLIR (règles)
hassle: PROBLÈMES | ENNUIS
warm dinner: DÎNER CHAUD
unless: SAUF SI
hunting: CHASSER | LA CHASSE
boozing: BOIRE | PICOLER
buddies: AMIS
bride: MARIÉE
📖 Grammar Points+
1. Past simple for narrative events
The joke opens with past simple: “married”, “laid down”, “said”. These are completed actions that set up the story. In French, this corresponds to the passé composé or passé simple.
2. Present simple for reported speech and general truths
The dialogue uses present simple and future forms: “I’ll be”, “I don’t expect”, “there will be”. This is common in jokes to make the conversation feel immediate. The wife’s punchline uses “there will be” (future) and “whether you’re here or not” (present subjunctive/conditional).
3. Future with “will” for promises and predictions
The husband uses “I’ll be” and “I’ll go” to state his intentions. The wife uses “there will be” to make a firm prediction. In French, these are “je serai”, “j’irai”, and “il y aura”.
4. “Unless” and “whether” clauses
“Unless I tell you” = “sauf si je te dis” (condition). “Whether you’re here or not” = “que tu sois là ou pas” (alternative condition).
🔁 Synonyms & Alternatives+
good-looking · attractive / beautiful / handsome
BELLE → also “jolie”
laid down · established / set / imposed
ÉTABLIT → also “fixa”
hassle · trouble / grief / argument
PROBLÈMES → also “embêtements”
buddies · pals / mates / friends / chums
AMIS → also “copains”
These alternatives keep the colloquial tone: “set some rules”, “don’t give me any grief”, “my old pals”.
💬 Mini Dialogue+
Context: Two colleagues, Maria and Jean, are chatting during a break. Maria tells Jean a joke about a couple.
Maria: “So this macho guy gets married to a beautiful woman. A few days later, he lays down the law.”
Jean: “What does he say?”
Maria: “He says: ‘I’ll come and go as I please. I want a hot dinner on the table unless I say otherwise. I’ll go hunting and drinking with my buddies. Any questions?’”
Jean: “And what does she say?”
Maria: “She says: ‘Fine. Just know that there will be sex here at 7 p.m. every night — whether you’re here or not.’”
Jean: “Ha! She got him!”
Uses present simple for the dialogue and past simple for the narrative frame. Vocabulary items appear naturally.
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