donald at the doctor's
Ret's ESL Jokes
Donald goes to the doctor’s after receiving some very bad news about his condition.
Doctor: “Unfortunately sir, you have only one week to live.”
Donald: “Doctor, what on Earth are you saying?”, he asked, clearly shocked. “What can I do to live at least a little longer? I don’t have any family but I really want to finish all the television shows I’m watching.”
Doctor: “Well, do you eat greasy and fried food?”
Donald: “Yes.”
Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
Donald: “If I’ll live longer, sure!”
Doctor: “Do you drink sodas and eat fast food?”
Donald: “Yes.”
Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
Donald: “If it allows me to live longer, sure.”
Doctor: “Do you stay up late?”
Donald: “Most nights.”
Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
Donald: “Alright, done.”
Doctor: “Do you have sex often?”
Donald: “Yes. A lot.”
Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
Donald: “Well, I guess, if it means living longer.”
Doctor: “Do you smoke?”
Donald: “Yes.”
Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
Donald: “If it allows me to live longer, I will.”
Doctor: “Do you drink?”
Donald: “Yes...”
Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
Donald: “OK Doctor, but you didn’t tell me, if I do all the things you told me to do, how much longer will I live?”
Doctor: “You’ll still only live a week… but it will seem like a decade.”
Vocabulary
Unfortunately: expressing regret about a bad situation.
Stay up late: remain awake and active during late hours of the night.
The doctor begins with Unfortunately.
He asks if Donald tends to stay up late.
Grammar Focus
The joke uses present simple in dialogue for general habits and direct speech, with future simple (”will live”, “will seem”) for predictions. Past simple narrates the visit and reactions, while conditional structures appear in Donald’s responses (”If I’ll live longer…”, “if it allows me…”).
Present simple (habits): Do you eat greasy and fried food?
Future simple (prediction): You’ll still only live a week… but it’ll seem like a decade.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Unfortunately: regrettably, alas.
Stay up late: keep late hours, burn the midnight oil.
Seem: feel, appear.
Mini Dialogue
Claire: Doctor, I have terrible insomnia. I stay up late every night!
Doctor: Unfortunately, that’s not good for your health.
Claire: If I stop, how much longer will I sleep well?
Doctor: You’ll sleep better, but it will seem like hours every night!
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