Confession & Lemons
Ret's ESL Jokes
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I had sex with a 16-year-old girl.”
Priest: “Squeeze 16 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”
Man: “And that will take away my sin?”
Priest: “No, but it will take away that stupid grin on your face.”
📘 Key Vocabulary+
priest: PRÊTRE
squeeze: PRESSER
lemons: CITRONS
all at once: D’UN SEUL COUP
sin: PÉCHÉ
grin: UN GRAND SOURIRE
📖 Grammar Points+
1. Past simple for a specific past event
The man uses past simple: “I had sex”. This refers to a completed action in the past. In French, this corresponds to the passé composé (“j’ai eu”).
2. Present simple for the priest’s instruction
The priest uses the imperative (which is the base form of the verb) and present simple: “Squeeze”, “drink”. The man uses the future with “will”: “that will take away”. The priest responds with another “will” to make a firm prediction. In French, these are “Presse”, “bois”, and “cela enlèvera”.
3. Future with “will” for predictions and promises
Both characters use “will” to talk about future outcomes. The man asks if it “will take away” his sin (prediction/condition), and the priest says it “will take away” the grin (certain prediction). In French, this is “cela enlèvera”.
4. The imperative mood
The priest gives a direct order using the imperative: “Squeeze” and “drink”. This is a common way to give instructions or commands in English. In French, this would be “Presse” and “bois” (tu form).
🔁 Synonyms & Alternatives+
squeeze · press / crush / juice
PRESSER → also “serrer” (a hand)
all at once · in one go / simultaneously / together
D’UN SEUL COUP → also “d’une traite”
grin · smile / smirk / beam
GRAND SOURIRE → also “sourire en coin”
These alternatives fit the context: “press 16 lemons”, “in one go”, “that stupid smirk”.
💬 Mini Dialogue+
Context: Two friends, Carlos and Mei, are talking about funny things they’ve heard in confession or church.
Carlos: “I heard this joke about a man who goes to confession.”
Mei: “Oh yeah? What does he say?”
Carlos: “He says: ‘Father, I had sex with a 17-year-old.’ The priest says: ‘Squeeze 17 lemons and drink the juice all at once.’”
Mei: “And that takes away his sin?”
Carlos: “No, the priest says: ‘It will take away that stupid grin on your face!’”
Mei: “Ha! That’s a good one.”
Uses past simple for the narrative frame and present simple/future for the dialogue. Vocabulary items appear naturally
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