bar bets
Ret's ESL Jokes
A man walks into a bar.
He goes up to the bartender and asks if he likes to gamble.
The bartender says, “Sure, I’ll take a bet. What’s your wager?”
The man offers a €50 bet that he can bite his own eyeball. The bartender, thinking it’s easy money, accepts, and is shocked when the man removes his glass eye and bites down on it.
Laughing, the man notices the bartender is upset about losing his money, so he offers him a chance to win it back. “Double or nothing: I bet I can bite my other eye.”
The bartender thinks it over. He knows he was tricked out of €50, but he also knows this man can’t possibly have two glass eyes, so he pulls another €50 from the till and accepts the bet.
The man promptly takes out his false teeth and gently closes them around his other eye.
Now the bartender is visibly angry about losing €100, and the man’s laughter isn’t helping. Just before he throws him out, the man raises his hand.
“Really sorry about that, pal. I pull that stunt all the time, but you’ve been a good sport, so I’ll give you another chance to win some cash. I’ve got €500 that says if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can run alongside it and urinate into the glass without missing a drop. It’s tricky, so I get two attempts.”
The bartender, eager to win back his money, thinks about how difficult this would be—especially with only one eye to line up the shot—and willingly accepts the bet.
The man drops his trousers. When the bartender puts the shot glass on the counter, the man shouts, “Go!” prompting the bartender to slide it along the bar.
The man chases after it, aiming carefully. However, urinating while running isn’t easy, so only a few drops land in the glass by the time it reaches the other end.
Catching his breath, the man reminds the bartender he has a second attempt. “The first was just to get his bearings,” he says. Once again, he shouts, “Go!” giving the bartender the cue.
Again, the man chases wildly, spraying urine all over the bar, stools, floor, and even hitting bottles behind the counter. Not a single drop finds its way into the shot glass.
Head hanging low, he hands the bartender 500 €. The bartender gleefully accepts, jumping up and down in joy at the cash he has just won.
Suddenly, a man at the back of the bar slams his fist on his table and screams, “Bloody hell“
The bartender mutters to the ‘urinator’: “What’s the problem with that guy?”
“Oh, I just bet that guy 10 000 € I could piss all over your bar, and you’d jump up and down with joy.”
Vocabulary
Wager: Mise, Pari
Glass eye: Œil en verre
False teeth: Faux dents
Pee: Uriner, faire pipi
He placed a wager on the final match.
After the injury, he wore a glass eye.
She takes out her false teeth before going to bed.
The nurse asked him to pee in a urinal bottle.
Grammar Focus
Past simple: The bartender accepted the bet.
Direct speech: “Really sorry about that, pal,” he said.
Present participle: “Chasing after it, the man aimed carefully.”
Past simple: used for habits, routines, general truths, & facts in the present.
Direct speech: Exact words in inverted commas.
Present participle: Shows an action in progress or modifies a noun.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Wager: Bet, stake, gamble
Urinate: Pee, piss, micturate (medical)
Chasing: Running after, pursuing, following
Gleefully: Joyfully, happily, delightedly
Mini Dialogue
Man: Double or nothing: I bet I can bite my other eye.
Bartender: Are you serious? You only have one glass eye!
Man: Really sorry, pal. Here’s another challenge for €500.
Bartender: Fine, I accept the bet!
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