Animal control
Ret's ESL Jokes
When George stepped into his backyard, he was stunned to see a gorilla perched in one of his trees. He rushed inside and called animal control.
Twenty minutes later, an officer shows up and sees it’s true. He thinks for a while, then goes to his truck and comes back with a baseball bat, a German Shepherd, a pair of handcuffs, and a shotgun.
The officer says, “Right, here’s the plan. I’ll climb up there and knock him out of the tree.”
George asks, “Okay… but then what?”
The officer says, “When he lands, Brutus here is gonna go for his testicles.”
“Right… but then what?” asks George again.
The officer replies, “When he covers them with his hands, you slap on these handcuffs.”
George nods as the officer starts climbing. Then George yells, “What’s the shotgun for?”
The officer shouts back, “If by some chance I fall out of the tree—shoot Brutus!”
Vocabulary
backyard: garden behind a house
handcuffs: metal restraints for wrists
shotgun: a gun for shooting at close range
knock him out of the tree: make someone fall by striking
+ He ran into his backyard to fetch the ball.
+ The police officer used handcuffs on the suspect.
+ They fired a shotgun during training.
+ He tried to knock him out of the tree with a stick.
Grammar Focus
The joke mainly uses the past simple (to narrate finished events) and direct speech (to convey dialogue directly, using inverted commas).
Past simple: He ran inside and called animal control.
Direct speech: The officer said, “When he lands, Rex will go for him.”
Synonyms & Alternatives
Backyard: garden, back garden, yard
Handcuffs: restraints, shackles, cuffs
Shotgun: rifle, firearm, gun
Mini Dialogue
Helen (HR): Did the auditor show up this morning?
Mark (Finance): Yes, he waited for a while in reception.
Helen: Good. I’ll knock him out of the tree with our expense reports!
Mark: Please don’t—he might yell for backup!
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