adultering
Ret's ESL Jokes
A woman and her lover are in bed when she suddenly hears her husband’s car pulling into the garage. The unfaithful wife panics.
“Quick! Hide!” she hisses.
The lover, completely naked, dashes into the bathroom while she frantically shoves his clothes under the bed. Just in time. The husband, not having seen his wife anywhere else in the house, walks into the bedroom and asks:
“And what exactly are you doing lying here naked on the bed?”
“Darling,” she says sweetly, “I heard your car and thought I’d give you a surprise.”
“Yeah, brilliant,” he replies. “I’ll just pop to the bathroom and be right back.”
Before she can stop him, the husband steps into the bathroom and finds the lover standing there stark naked, arms in the air, clapping his hands.
“What on earth are you doing here?” demands the husband.
“I’m from the pest control company,” the lover answers calmly. “Your wife called us in to deal with a moth problem in the house.”
“But… you haven’t got any clothes on!” says the husband, incredulous.
The lover looks down at himself, pretends to be shocked, and says:
“Oh, those filthy little things!”
Vocabulary
To dash into (a place): to run quickly or rush suddenly into somewhere.
Stark naked: completely naked, not wearing any clothes at all.
The lover dashes into the bathroom when he hears the husband.
The husband finds him stark naked and clapping his hands.
Grammar Focus
The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate the sequence of events, with present simple in direct speech and a present participle for ongoing action.
Past simple narration: The lover dashed into the bathroom; the husband walked into the bedroom.
Direct speech in the present: “What on earth are you doing here?” uses present continuous to describe an action in progress.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Filthy: dirty, disgusting.
To call someone in: to summon, to bring in (for professional help).
Mini Dialogue
Emma: I called the electrician in to deal with the wiring.
Josh: What on earth are you doing lying on the kitchen floor?
Emma: I nearly slipped; I just dashed into the bathroom to clean my hands.
Josh: Look at these filthy tiles, we really need someone to help.