a brass lamp
Ret's ESL Jokes
A man finds an old brass lamp on the beach. It’s very sandy, so he picks it up and rubs it.
Wouldn’t you know, it starts to emit a plume of multicoloured smoke and a djinni appears.
The djinni says, “For freeing me from this lamp I offer you three w…”
The man cuts him off, “I know, I know, three wishes! My first wish is to have €200 billion, free and clear, in the bank.”
The djinni says, “It shall be as you wish, but you did not let me finish. In order to dissuade you from making greedy and selfish wishes, whatever you wish for, your worst enemy will receive it twice over.”
“Oh, that’s just fine! Now that I am wealthy, I no longer have ill will toward my enemy. In fact, for my second wish, I wish that when I die, my enemy will get half my estate!”
“Well, that indeed is very generous. I’m so happy that such a kind and generous person found my lamp. What is your third wish?”
“My third wish comes out of a strong regret and sorrow for my earlier life choices and treatment of others. As punishment, I wish to be beaten half to death.”
Vocabulary
Djinni: a supernatural being from Middle Eastern mythology able to grant wishes.
Dissuade: to persuade someone not to do something.The man cuts him off before he can finish.
The djinni tries to dissuade him from being greedy.
Grammar Focus
The joke mainly uses past simple to narrate events and direct speech, and shifts to conditional and modal forms to express wishes and consequences.
Past simple: The man found and rubbed the lamp.
Conditional: The djinni said your enemy would receive twice over.
Synonyms & Alternatives
Wish: desire, request.
Ill will: hostility, resentment.
Mini Dialogue
Lucy: I dissuaded Tom from buying that old car—it’s unsafe!
Tom: But I had already cut you off before you could explain why.
Lucy: Then don’t blame me when the engine fails!
Tom (sighing): I have no ill will, but you were right again.